Revenge Of the Sith

2/5 stars
revenge of the sith
Hayden Christenson,Natalie Portman
Ewan Mcrageor
Weak Sauce
Lets start with the goods. First no jar-Jar binks. Thats right the enoying jamican stereotype has nothing to say(However im still hungry for a scene that involves his decapitatation.)Second, less god awful love scenes and more lightsabers hitting droids and other lightsabers! Unfortunately the bad is...well everything else. Hayden Christenson gives a slightly better performance(very slightly) but Portman returns as horrible as ever, in fact this movie made me Question her career as a whole. Not that theres much point to acting anyway, the Shakespear's rolling in his grave style scripting continues with laugh out loud moments that are supposed to be touching, darkness and lots of battles can never replace the characters and plot that made the first 3 movies so great. At least moments where you actually feel for these characters shine through the dull plot, in fact the end battle that leaves Anakin in peices almost makes up for the rest of the movie's dimwitted filler love scenes. But the terrible B-movie acting and 2 corniest scenes in movie history paired back to back push you back to reality, watch the movie for it's glossy fight scenes, but when the mouths open shut your ears until guns and sabers take center stage once more.


The rest of the crap: The Star wars you dont want to remember summed up.


The phantom menace
Pitiful and bile inducing George lucas's first reinvention of Star Wars was A miserable failure only remembered for being the greatest letdown of all time and Darth Mauls cool double lightsaber. Both acted and dialouge are stilted beyond belief, and no one on earth would ever believe that such a nice young boy could ever be evil cuthroat lord Vader.

Attack of the Clones
While slightly better than Phantom Menace(But then again so is intestinal Flu) this dissapointment still has major problems that mar the experience. first of the acting is horrible, Hayden Christenson's only acting talent seems to be getting a stomach ache during love scenes-get this man some Tums!(and an acting class while your at it.) while natalie portman is a warm appeareance Neither she, nor the awesome action sequences can pull this movie out its stilted, monotonous script.

The end of the line

hi everbody. sorry about the lack of updates but i've been busy. heres a short play about john mchluaghlin and the indians. Enjoy

(Scene opens with John McLaughlin walking through gate)

Greeter: Welcome back sir.

John: Hello, Thaddeus how has my little fort been while I was away?

Greeter: Not so great I’m afraid she has suffered another attack by the natives.

John: What are the statistics?

Greeter: (pulling out paper) Thirty men down and out.

John: We can easily replenish those ranks.

Greeter: With all due respect if men keep dying like this there will be no more men to replenish. We must end the bloodshed.

Sergeant: Sir, we have a visitor at the gate.

John: Can it wait sergeant?

Sergeant: I’m afraid it can’t. An Indian has come to the gate wishing to see you, he’s really steamed sir.

John: Alone?

Sergeant: As far as we know.

John: Then I will grant him passage. But keep your men ready. If any more natives come you open fire without second thought.

Sergeant: Sir.

(Scene at gate, Medicine man and guard are arguing.)

Guard: Look I told you already, John will not see you, bug off.

Medicine Man: my people are sick and dying someone must answer for this travesty.

Guard: That’s not our problem. Why don’t you go home and ask your gods who’s responsible.

Medicine Man: there is no need. My people were fine until your ships sailed into port.

Guard: Look short stuff, I’m in a bad mood and your not making it any better so why don’t you just run back home before I…

Sergeant: (From behind gate) McLaughlin will grant the Indian passage.

Guard: Alright Hoodoo man. I’m gonna let you in but if you try any funny stuff, (points at mass graves) and we just might have one more to bury. Understand?

(Scene opens with John and Sarah at home)

Sarah: Good to see you again John. How’s business?

John: Not good, many fur traders have closed up shop for fear of native attacks.

Sarah: They have every right to be paranoid, the millers where murdered because of those savages.

Sergeant: Sir your visitor has arrived.

Sarah: What visitor?

John: A native Medicine Man.

Sarah: Are you joking.

John: He only wishes to talk.

Sarah: Did you not but five minutes ago describe the damage caused by those savages?

John: Will you at least do it for me?

Sarah: You can do whatever you want, but you can do it without me.

(Sarah exits. Medicine Man walks in.)

Medicine Man: John McLaughlin so nice to finally meet you in person.

John: I was just sitting down to dinner would you like to join me?

Medicine Man: Don’t mind if I do. (Sits down)

John: So word is tribes have been attacking my people, what’s the deal?

Medicine Man: With all due respect Mr. McLaughlin, we are not the only tribe in Washington.

John: No but you are the only tribe that slaughtered a band of charitable missionaries without thought or reason.

Medicine Man: They brought death and sickness to my people what did your missionaries expect? Comfort and a warm handshake?

John: That can hardly be blamed on…

Sergeant: Sir.

John: (aggravated) What is it sergeant?

Sergeant: Sir, there are natives at the gate, thousands of them.

(John holds Medicine Man up by the neck.)

John: You lied to me! Sergeant give me that musket I want to show this savage scum what happens to traders like this.

(Sgt hands him musket. John points at native’s head.)

Medicine Man: I…call…them off.

John: You’ve got five minutes.

(John walks Medicine Man out to guards with weapons drawn. Medicine Man stands looking at audience)

Medicine Man: Natives of Washington. I can see your anger, times like these, when we have to bury the ones we love it is much easier to take up a sword than a forgiving hand. But if we take that time and see the things we could not see while blinded by that cloud of hate then we can forgive and welcome new members of our family.

John: You did well.

Medicine Man: Thanks.

John: I ask you to come back to my house so that we can discuss
your ideas.